Kick Him to the Curb

Women love being nice, but nice gets you nowhere. A blog on how to snag a man is incomplete without an entry about how to be a bitch. Although being nice is critical for gaining popularity with other women (or at least appearing to be nice), being a bitch is critical for gaining respect from men.

Ultimately, men respect strength not weakness. Self confidence is associated with those who have strong boundaries and from a Darwinian standpoint, men want women who can survive, thrive, and pass on their genes. Learning to bring the gavel down when you have to is mission critical for healthy relationships. Fortunately for you, being a bitch is very easy to do, and will save you lots of trouble in the long run. Simply adhere to the following rules to make your bitchiness complete:

1) If you aren't attracted, don't be his friend. Don't talk to him, don't answer his texts. Just don't. Be a bitch now, or be prepared to suffer the consequences.

2) If he doesn't pay for dinner, it's not a date. Yawn, zone out, then leave. Boredom is the greatest revenge since every man wants to feel like the center of attention.

3) Assess whether a man wants to be with you or be with you for the moment. Some obvious red flags: "You're fun!" "Why don't you meet me up here?" and um... "I don't love you." If you have to drive two hours to see him, he doesn't bother to take you out, or you spend most of your time together in his room, it's time to be a bitch. Mutual using does not set you up for success. Use him instead by having him fix your electronics until he expects the transition. Then jet. If a man treats you like a piece of ass, then treat him like an ass.

4) When a man doesn't treat you with respect, it is obvious in the way he talks to you. Condescending jabs should be met with a response commensurate to the amount of douchebaggery injected into his comments. Sometimes the best response is the ditzy mind-fuck. Mess with him a little with an ostensibly harmless serving of agreeable ditziness, followed by a jab of sarcastic awesomeness. He will subconsciously feel the sting but won't be able to articulate why.


Nice gets you nowhere with men and relationships. At times, it is necessary to be a bitch and kick 'em to the curb with blatant displays of your true awesomeness.

The Protector

When looking to snag a man, there are a few essentials you should research. On the top of my list is 
ability to pay for shit. This is closely followed by whether he is a jerk (to you). If he is whippable and you can put up with him, the next step is protection.

From an evolutionary standpoint, you want someone who gives a shit about you. Someone who is strong (at least stronger than you are) and not weak, so he can fend for the family, raze over bastards at work, and protect you from the torrent that assails you as a woman living in a snarky, scary universe. Your ideal man (if he gives a shit) should be strong enough to protect your interests and independent enough to stand up for you, even in the face of opposing public opinion (which may or may not include friends and family).  He will be visibly angry if you've been insulted, never let you drive home drunk, and always walk you home. When I think of a protector, I think of a bad-ass like this:

The protector will do things like buffer you on the side of oncoming traffic on the off-chance you'll be hit, bark at people who are mean to you, and architect situations that work for you, not against you. He may even coach you on how to be a bad-ass yourself. By contrast, a small man will cower, run away, or even worse, nitpick on you to feel better about himself.

Weak is not sexy, and not even nice. Choose a protector, not a weak man, to be your mate.