I don't care if he's a starving grad student or he's super socially awkward and supposedly doesn't know any better. As I've alluded to many times in this blog, you are evolutionarily entitled to the best possible man you can snag. This means you should snag a man who is assertive, understands basic social norms, and will even make sacrifices to ensure he impresses you. He should pick you up. He should choose the venue. He should show up on time. And he should pay for dinner. If a man doesn't know how to peacock or take charge he doesn't know how to fulfill his evolutionary purpose. Or maybe he's just a jerk and wants to invest as little as possible in someone he perceives to be low hanging fruit. Either way, ditch the cheap dude and move on to greener pastures quickly.
(for your viewing pleasure, here is a metaphorical reminder of what male peacocking looks like. Hot stuff, right?):
I can't tell you how many times women have called me to double check on this very awkward subject.
I can't tell you how many times women have called me to double check on this very awkward subject.
"I don't mind paying, I'm an independent woman, right?"
"Is it weird that he asked me to pay?'
"It was our first date..."
There's no grey area here. The guy should have paid. Moving forward, he should at least offer to pay on subsequent dates if he's truly invested in you. And he should buy you gifts once in a while to secure your greatest affections over the course of a long term partnership. A man's job (from an evolutionarily adaptive perspective) is to feed and provide for his family. In fact, male species throughout the animal kingdom invest in colorful plumage and all sorts of unnecessary rituals and appendages to snag their female counterparts. If he can't even be bothered to signal and demonstrate that he is capable of feeding or providing for you (especially when you are in the early stages of a relationship) it's time to move on. Cheap is not sexy. So why make exceptions?
Even if he's someone who happens to be very poor, he will still do everything in his power to impress you if he is truly that into you. I wince at telling this story but I'm going to do it anyway to make a point. I once had an ex-boyfriend tell me he was so in love with the girl he dated before me that he would actually sit in eye-ball tracking studies for hours at a time just to earn enough money to buy her jewelry while he was a starving student. He had a busy schedule I'm sure, and I'm pretty sure this degree of sacrificial stupidity was not extended to me (he's married to a nice lady right now). Still, it's a sweet story, and every man should treat his beloved this way.
No matter the cost, a man (prospective boyfriend) should always be trying to impress you. Even if you could theoretically pay your own way as a thriving, independent, successful, powerful woman, don't you want a boyfriend who can still take care of it? If a man doesn't pay for shit, he's not that into you. Cheap is not sexy, so find a man who can peacock and deserves your awesomeness.
I agree that if a man is interested he will do his best to make a good impression and demonstrate that he really cares about you. It doesn't have to be expensive gifts though. He can use amazing creativity to plan an unforgettable date or do acts of service to show he cares like help you with a work assignment or help fix your car. But if he asks you out to eat, he should pay, otherwise he should offer to do an activity with you. As a matter of fact, a date doesn't always have to involve an expensive meal. I actually really enjoyed the dates I've been on that didn't involve a fancy place b/c I felt more comfortable. Then, when I got to know the person better, going to a fancy restaurant didn't feel so awkward. Another reason money isn't super important is a guy with money can easily buy nice gifts without having the sincere heart behind the gesture. You want to avoid such men too or you might end up with a distant lover who thinks he can treat you badly because he bought you a diamond or BMW. So look at the acts of a man. Do they demonstrate effort in time or resources? If he doesn't think you're worth his than he certainly isn't worth yours.
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