How to Spot a Jerk

I love men (refer to "Damsel in Distress.. It Works" for a more thorough discussion of their utility). But let's face it. They can be jerks. And the worst part is, society gives you really shitty advice on how to cope. Here is just a sampling of some tired, overused aphorisms:

"You're too good for him! Just be your fabulous self, girl friend!"
"What a player ... (translation: guy: admiration; female: gloating/I told you so)."
"Don't text or call him. Focus on you and getting your life in order right now."

For the longest time, I tried to understand movies like Bridget Jones's Diary and this world of villainizing/othering the quintessential asshole. Somewhere out there in the universe, pedophiles and mass murderers exist. And so do dashing, British men like Hugh Grant- asshole men with killer accents who pick up prostitutes on the street in real life and cheat on their wives. It's us versus them (the players, the cheaters, the categorical self-esteem destroyers, etc etc.) and it's our responsibility to spot them, right?

Wrong.

The truth is, every man has the latent capacity to be a jerk (refer to my previous post "The Male Brain" for a deeper dive). Nice guys and good friends can easily morph into the figurative big, bad wolf when it comes to the brain below the belt. In fact, a man is selectively jerky. If you reach an adequate bar of respect, looks, or personality for this man, the urge can be easily whipped and controlled. But if any single one of these pieces, which commands a man's true affection and attachment to you, are missing, you really are shit out of luck. A man will either roam, take you for granted, or take advantage if he doesn't take you seriously. 

If this is the case, just let it be and don't take it personally. Like a job or a friend that doesn't match, he's not for you so don't force it. The last thing you should do is let your bruised ego transform into the desire to crawl back for more or morph into a psycho-bitch and fight incessantly for a futile purpose. That spark you feel is really just insecurity and uncertainty talking. Cut loose and find someone who adores you.

When in doubt, revisit this list of tell-tale signs that he is being a jerk:

1) He doesn't listen to you when you talk.
2) He moves in physically too fast, too soon.
3) .....Actually, I think this list is already pretty comprehensive...

Every man has the capacity to be a jerk. Choose one who isn't (to you). And loves you.