Making the Cut

Let's be honest, over-reaching is one of the basic building blocks of human civilization. Countless people have died building architectural wonders like the Pyramids and the Hoover Dam. I will never forget the day when my own parents took me to the Great Wall in China and essentially communicated that we were standing atop a graveyard of bodies roiled into the brick, stone, and earth beneath our feet. I was nine years old and couldn't sleep for several nights.

The point is, while over-reaching is noble and good for the advancement of our species, it is also mal-adaptive and stupid. In the area of romance, I implore you to take it easy. Although males are occasionally able to seal the deal when they accumulate wealth and status (and even then, it's tenuous), women are rarely able to over-reach successfully without encountering some measure of heart-ache, pain, or neglect. Life isn't fair. Men are shallow, visual creatures. And they make decisions quickly, with firm tiers set in place for who makes the cut and for what kind of relationship. If you don't make the audition, let it go. Trying harder won't make it better. The best you can hope for is a one night stand (or reverberations of one for as long as he needs to plug the gap between sexual conquests). Even if you miraculously shed 15 pounds, transform into Mother Teresa, or cure cancer, you will never be what he wants so stop.

Exhibit A: The Venn Diagram - I've unwittingly fallen for gay men twice. It hurts.

The good news is, one man's trash is another man's treasure. You will most definitely make the cut for someone else. Perhaps for someone who meets your 2/3 or even 3/3 and amazingly thinks you do, also:  http://www.elephantjournal.com/2012/01/your-soulmate-isnt-who-you-think-it-is/

If you don't make the cut, who the fuck cares. Resist the human impulse to build and embrace who you really are to snag a man and keep him. There's a special someone out there for everybody.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!