If A Guy Isn't Into You Now, He Will Never Be

Cheesy rom-coms and women's magazines have built an entire empire off of this lie- that as long as you work hard enough, you can earn yourself a man. In fact, I suspect well intentioned Lean-In Circles, the commercial media machine, and puritanical American values have contributed even more to the senseless self-flagellation that women experience. Women believe that if they simply worked long and hard enough- that if they were good looking enough, successful enough, and interesting enough- they could make a man love her.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  If a woman has to work this hard to snag a man- she is probably trying a little too hard to convert a man who was never really into her in the first place.

What most women don't know is that men and women fall in love differently. While women are generally cautious when considering a man (allowing "love" or serious consideration to unfold only after a six month time frame), men will probably decide within the first four minutes of conversation whether a woman is worth pursuing seriously. About 80% of this is about the goods: 

While another 20% is based on a quick, cursory analysis of her general "personality" and essence - her speech patterns and the overall vibe she is projecting. After this quick read, it's about whether a man likes her enough to put up with her and stay the course. If you don't make the cut within the first four minutes, I'm sorry to say it, but you haven't snagged the man. And you never will. You could make the cut for "friendly coworker" or one night stand he'll never see again. But it will forever be one self-esteem cutting notch lower than that notch he has reserved for his dream "it girl."

This may sound shallow. This may sound really sad. In fact it probably hurts. But it is the truth. 

I can't tell you how many women I know believe they need to "work harder" to earn a man's approval and love. They will embark on self-improvement journeys, attempt to fix themselves (through fitness programs or confidence boosting New Year's Resolutions), or shop their way through designer clothes and make-up to catch that elusive man-fish. Some women even spiral into fits of domesticity - cooking four course meals and organizing their beloved's belongings to make up the difference. The best way out of this fix is to probably stop giving a shit. It's tiring, exhausting, and inordinately senseless. In fact, I highly recommend reading the book, Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dream Girl - A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship. 

Dare to love yourself and stop it. If a guy isn't into you now, he will never be. Find someone who will willingly eat out of the palm of your hand to snag a man and keep him.