Let's Get Hot and Steamy with Great Expectations

By Karen Song


 When I was younger, I downloaded the soundtrack to the movie "Great Expectations" and dreamt of being the wistful, gorgeous, and leggy, Gwyneth Paltrow. I thought the movie was steamy and hot. And who hasn't dreamt of being Ethan Hawke's obsession? (check out this emotional porn building montage and fast forward to 2:21 for the part you want):

The problem with this picture is that Ethan Hawke had some serious mental problems. After a childhood of being abused and taught to make Gwen his obsession, he followed her to New York, had sex with her even though she was engaged to be married, and made it his sole mission in life to impress her by pretending to be a famous, wealthy, person. Even when the convict that he rescued in childhood became his mysterious benefactor and bought all of his paintings, which led to Ethan becoming a real "success" because of good press and connections, he was willing to toss all of that away for a passionate kiss with Gwyneth in the rain. That wasn't true love. That was just sick.

While emotional porn makes for a good movie, it does not translate to health and wellness. If John Cusack is standing outside of your window with a boombox please call the cops:

 

If Tom Cruise says to you "I love you, you complete me" please run as fast as you can. No one should complete anyone. And if it is literally Tom Cruise, then for obvious reasons:

 

 

If Leonardo DiCaprio falls hard for you after a few days on an ill-fated ship and he wants to simulate flying, I'm sorry, but it's time to let Jack go:

 

 



 

Ethan Hawke should have ditched the bitch when he had the chance. Responding any differently signifies mental illness. The truth is, great expectations don't translate to relationship health or a man who is well balanced. You will never snag a man who is sensitive, desperate, and good looking (let's be honest). And a true man has self respect. He would never indulge your emotional porn or tell you to stand on the bow of a ship.

 

Let me break this down for a generation enthralled with cheesy cinema. If a man falls this quickly and deeply in love with you, he is not really obsessed with you, he is obsessed with the idea of being in love with you. You become easily interchangeable with Gwenyth Paltrow, Kate Winslet (or any other girl, really) because the emotion is not really about you, but about what he is feeling. In the beginning it's okay and I'm sure a lot of relationships start out that way; but ultimately, a man should never give up his livelihood, demand that you complete him, or stand outside of your room with a boombox if he has better things to do. Infatuation (addictive attachment) and true love (which is nurtured and blossoms over a long period of time) needs to be distinguished if you desire a mutually loving, happy, and healthy relationship.

 

If you want a real man, you must keep your great expectations in check. Or you could get hot and steamy with some bedside emotional porn for a healthy lonely existence. Your choice, but please distinguish one from the other.