The Male Brain

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For all of you ladies out there who enjoy emotional porn and Jane Austen novels I just want to break romance down into its most basic components:

ROMANCE (r)= Male brain activation +  |your response to it|.

Understanding the inputs of this equation will improve your life and save you heartache.  As I've alluded to many times in this blog, romantic complication could be easily circumvented by keeping things simple and understanding that men are logical beings with very basic needs. If they want to eat, they eat something. If they want to make money, they find a job. If they want to be with a girl, they figure out where they want to put her and act accordingly.

A man will put a woman in one of two categories according to what his male brain dictates:
a) Woman he wants to make out with (or do more with...)
b) Woman he wants to be with

Because the male brain is really divided into two parts, the brain below the belt and the brain that thinks, he responds to each separately.  By contrast, females complicate, intermingle, and interrelate everything. Since the the female brain has greater connectivity between the corpus collosum, women tend to be verbose, emotionally oriented in their decisions, and take a holistic approach to observing the world (I highly recommend "The Female Brain," for more information on biological gender differences). It is difficult for us to compartmentalize, and attraction and attachment are closely interrelated. We can't possibly hug and kiss (or do more) with a man without developing affection. And the women who claim they can are putting on a brave show.

Not so with a man. Basic need is satisfied by basic action. If a man is horny, he will watch porn or hit the bar for some low hanging fruit. Unfortunately, the woman he finds to satisfy category A is generally someone who is blithely unaware that she is clearing a very low bar. She is flattered that someone finds her "attractive" and is validating her effervescence, awesome personality and captivating face when in reality, the man is just relieved to be talking with someone who isn't hideous (and even hideousness would be a forgiveable offense if he were sufficiently inebriated). I can't tell you how many times I've had to field phone calls from women who have been discarded and used in this fashion and will tirelessly romp around in over-analysis and emotional porn.

If a man is really into a woman, however, his approach will be different. He will plot and plan. The general impression of the woman, the mystique of her hotness or her personality, will be methodically dissected. He will discuss her and his plan to snag her with all of his friends, temper the douche impulse from a sprint to a marathon, and make dinner reservations. Since this is a long term partnership he is considering, he will assess her interests and needs and plan his hunt accordingly. If you are in contingent B, congrats. You are on your way to obtaining a future boyfriend or a dick in a glass case (aka male friend).

Your response to being put in either category A or category B should always be one of caution. Cautiousness will deter a douche looking for instant gratification as well as heighten the affections of a man who is thrilled with the chase.  So resist your thirst for emotional porn and complex storytelling if you truly want to win.

In sum,  remember the male brain equation. The absolute value of your response (positive or negative) contributes to the amount of "romance" you feel and detracts from self-control and self- agency in your life.  So don't obsess over the man who has used you for a one night stand (the negative direction) and don't be easily impressed by a man who has a plan (the positive direction).  Let male brain activation carry the brunt of the work in your romance for it to work out in your best interest.  Unless you really don't care what your contribution is and just want high faluting emotional porn. By all means, toss away for a higher absolute "romantic" score.