Of course, this post is not intended for the audience that wants a douche. Although most women want to be with a douche ( I'll tackle that subject in another blog post), I'm here to tell women who want a good relationship that it's not possible to reform a jerk. We all want to feel special and be that special someone who is the exception to the rule. Who doesn't want to be that wonderful woman who tempers an asshole into a man who singly pines for her? But a part of maturing and growing up is realizing that you are never the exception to the rule. Rules are rules in relationships and life and you are never the exception. You are not special. You can feel special, but you are not special.
If you will never temper an asshole, it logically follows that you should date a nice guy. Here is an example of what a nice guy might look like and a sampling of characteristics you should look for:
1. Kind eyes. Eyes are the window to the soul. A wonderful stare will feel comforting and reassuring. If his eyes seem cold, creepy, or surreptitious, RUN.
2. Genuine interest in you. Does he talk about himself most of the time or does he listen to you? Is he staring down at your boobs or is he carefully considering what you are saying and feeling? You want someone who sees you as a human being whom he could care for, not a man who will objectify and use you as a placeholder, or even worse, projection of his own reality. Take a look at this video about sex dolls if you want to be scared:
3. Has a good relationship with his mother. Examine how he treats the women in his life. Is he protective of his sister? Does he talk about his mother fondly? If the man has good relationships with the women in his life, it's a sign that he will treat you well.
4. Well-mannered and treats his friends, family, and others well. For clues about how he will ultimately treat you, it pays to examine how he treats most people in his life. Is he courteous and considerate? Has he been willing to throw the people he cares about under the bus for his own needs? Does he take advantage of others? It pays to observe his interactions with others carefully because at the end of the day you are not special. How he treats other people is ultimately how he will treat you.
5. Directed and stable. We all go through phases and that is understandable, but overall you might want to consider being with a man who is emotionally and financially stable. A man who is not currently stable will have a difficult time caring for you and giving you the attention you may need in a relationship. Again, I don't advocate ditching a wonderful man just because he is going through a rough patch (because that would say more about your character than his), but if the instability has been a consistent running pattern in his life and it doesn't look like he will get any better, it may be time to move on.
These are my tips for how to snag that nice guy. Snagging a nice guy is worth it! (But please ignore this advice if you want to snag a jerk).
