Most women don't get this, so I'm going to break it down. Lovers and partners are two very different job descriptions. If you want a lover, then go find that exotic man who whispers cheesy, romantic things to you. Or turn off your thinking brain and have some fun in the Marina. But if you want to find a real partner, your expectations should be different.
A partner is someone with whom you can realistically live and share everything (the good, the bad, and the ugly) with. This is someone who will patiently put up with your shit, listen to you whine for hours when your boss is being a bitch, and will help you do house chores. Doing the mundane day to day things- laundry, washing dishes, getting your car fixed, and getting free samples at Costco- comprises the majority of a long term relationship. The whole idea is that your significant other can make cooking, cleaning, paying bills, travelling and seeing new places, and eventually popping out children a fun and transcendent experience. If you can power through 70% of this experience without wanting to tear your significant other's head off, I'd say you are doing pretty good.
For some reason, romantic movies never get to this part. The part about the doofus running through the airport to intercept a flighty woman due to an emotional misunderstanding is usually covered in dramatic, excruciating detail (check out the "Technology Ruins Romance" video from Wongfu):
But movies rarely cover the real stuff.
Your relationship with your man is a unique type of relationship akin to the type of relationship you would have with a good room mate. While in theory, your shopping/gossiping gal pal seems like she would be a great person to share a room with, in practice, she might be an absolute nightmare who leaves her hair in the shower drain and dirty dishes in the sink. Likewise, a lover who seems great in theory may not necessarily be your ticket to domestic or long-term bliss. To state the obvious, your chances of staying with a man are significantly greater if you think you can live with him.
This is why turning to your friends is so important. Studies show that most long term couples resemble each other in terms of height, weight, culture, socioeconomic status, and even random attributes such as lung capacity and interocular eye distance. Couples will usually come from the same geographical region (for instance, east coast or west coast within the US) or culture, and their chances of success are significantly higher if their families know each other. As gross as it seems, we may subconsciously seek those most like us since the offspring produced from mating fifth cousins is actually most genetically optimal from a biological standpoint (hence the frequency of this mating pattern in birds and other animals).
"Ewwing" aside, the best way to find someone you can put up with is probably through your network. Date your friends (yes, you should!) or date friends of friends to filter out the strange stuff and significantly increase your chances of meeting someone you can get along with.
Your relationship with your man is a unique type of relationship akin to the type of relationship you would have with a good room mate. While in theory, your shopping/gossiping gal pal seems like she would be a great person to share a room with, in practice, she might be an absolute nightmare who leaves her hair in the shower drain and dirty dishes in the sink. Likewise, a lover who seems great in theory may not necessarily be your ticket to domestic or long-term bliss. To state the obvious, your chances of staying with a man are significantly greater if you think you can live with him.
This is why turning to your friends is so important. Studies show that most long term couples resemble each other in terms of height, weight, culture, socioeconomic status, and even random attributes such as lung capacity and interocular eye distance. Couples will usually come from the same geographical region (for instance, east coast or west coast within the US) or culture, and their chances of success are significantly higher if their families know each other. As gross as it seems, we may subconsciously seek those most like us since the offspring produced from mating fifth cousins is actually most genetically optimal from a biological standpoint (hence the frequency of this mating pattern in birds and other animals).
"Ewwing" aside, the best way to find someone you can put up with is probably through your network. Date your friends (yes, you should!) or date friends of friends to filter out the strange stuff and significantly increase your chances of meeting someone you can get along with.
